Thursday, August 30, 2007

Now with 581% more cool logo

Because every badass internet radio station needs a nifty graphic. And it's my day off and I'm bored.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Crack On Tour Radio presents I Love the 80's

I have just, um, obtained the complete set of Billboard Top 100 singles from 1980-1989 and intend to play pretty much the entire show from them tonight.

8pm PST

Click here to tune in.

Be there, aloha.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Chocolate Fame

I'm sure all of you are no doubt familiar with Tay Zonday's "Chocolate Rain" at this point. This interweb is a funny thing. Only on YouTube can a guy with a ludicrously deep voice sing a mediocre song with terrible backing music and end up on Jimmy Kimmel as a result. Anyway, I've seen just about every parody of it at this point and actually am sort of working on my own as well... in the meantime, please do the needful and enjoy two of my favorites.

John Mayer

8bit Chocolate Rain

I Should Get My Ass In Gear, Man.

So, I log into Feedburner today and - lo and behold - this site is actually being read. Not only that, but people are subscribing to the feed. That just boggles my mind. It makes me feel like crawling into the corner and singing "Jesus Loves Me" quietly to myself while rocking back and forth to the sounds of Billy Ocean's "Caribbean Queen". To put it more succinctly: I am excited and a little weirded out.
Continue reading, though. It will give you something to do while listening to Crack On Tour Radio. Other than masturbating to the sweet sounds that pump out of your speakers, that is. Maybe you don't do that. Maybe it is just me. I am easily excited by Chris Hansen and The Bloodhound Gang.
Also, before I forget, I have added another writer into the Crack On Tour fold. His name is Steven Meek. He is the co-creator of Apathy Man and one hell of a poet. I think. Welcome him. Gooble gobble. One of us.

Wash yo butt,


P.S. I would like to get some more writers for this site. I want to make it a community. Free love and all of that shit. So, if you would like to write for this site, get in touch with me through my MySpace page. I check that more often than I do my email. The link is over on the right hand side. Now I am going to go smoke. Toodles.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

nappy headed hos, take note

Crack On Tour Radio WILL BE ON Monday, August 13th!

8pm PST
9pm MST
10pm CST
11pm EST

You will want to click here in order to tune in.

Be there. Aloha.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

radio free los angeles

I just thought I would share with all you hoopy froods that Crack On Tour Radio will still be going on, though the days and times may vary with my work schedule. Since I've taken a new job that will often involve me being at work by 5am... yeah. If I have to get up at 4 I'm not running the show till midnight the night before.

But fear not the show, of course, will go on. I will try to give as much advance notice both here and on MySpace as I possibly can. I also reserve the right to pop on randomly for a few hours when I'm bored. Anyway, it will be weekly. No doubt. I have too many fans to stop.

Thanks for all of your support... the show hasn't been quite as much fun without Cory and Paul but I still have a blast doing it and enjoy your loyalty!

Cheers from the City of Angels.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

I Can See Clearly Now...Or Something

Well, my dear friends, I am back.
After much soul searching and climbing of mountains, I have come to realize that I need Crack On Tour. You need Crack On Tour. We all need Crack On Tour. It is real. It is life. It is America.
Stay tuned for more posts.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Holy Shit, We're Back!

That's right folks... CRACK ON TOUR RADIO is back!!! From the all new 69SMA Studios in Los Angeles, CA...

8pm PDT (11pm EDT) Monday, May 28th!

Now with SIXTEEN listener slots! Yeah! This means a new address, so update your bookmarks:

You'll want to click


to tune into the stream.

I'm thinking about making Monday nights the permanent home for Crack On Tour, so let me know what you think about that.

Be there, aloha.

Friday, April 27, 2007

One... More... Time!

Tune in tonight, 8pm Central for what will be the last Crack On Tour Radio broadcast...

Well, the last one before the 69SMA Studios relocate to sunny Southern California.

You know what to do. Yeah.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Show Must Go On

Fear not, folks... though Cory may be pulling the ejection handle on blogging here I will continue to post random verbal diarrhea.

Additionally: Crack On Tour Radio will still continue to air on a regular basis, though the times and dates may vary.

Speaking of which... how bout tonight at 9pm CST? Sounds good to me!

You know what to do.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Jim Morrison Said Something About This Day

I knew that this day would come; I just did not know when. I am closing up shop on the old "Tuesdays With Cory"/"Crack On Tour" blog. I just do not have the time to devote to it, and it is not as much fun as I thought that it would be. I will keep it open for the other two people that post, but I will no longer post here.
I will still post on my MySpace blog, though. Here is the link.
Keep it real,

The Nels

Friday, April 13, 2007

Crack On Tour Radio TONIGHT 8pm CST

From the folks that bring you this fine website, we present LIVE TONIGHT at 8pm CST... Crack On Tour Radio!!!

If you've never used Shoutcast before, no worries. All you need to do is have an MP3 player on your computer (like Winamp or iTunes) and click here, then click "Listen".

Once again, that's Crack On Tour Radio, 8pm CST. Be there. Aloha.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Smoking Is A Classy Way Of Committing Suicide.

“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae." - Kurt Vonnegut

So, um, Kurt Vonnegut died. If I were feeling a bit better - I would write more. What a damn shame.
So it goes. So it goes.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Be Gone, Evil Demon!

So, I was formatting my hard drive today and I decided to change another thing: I have decided to re-name the site. The site will now be called Crack On Tour.
Ever since I have taken on two other partners in this endeavor, the name Tuesdays With Cory has not fit very well. I do not post on Tuesdays and the name has worn out its welcome, as far as jokes go. Plus, I do not want to be associated with that site that offers square dancing to the elderly. The elderly are not going to be square dancing on my dime, dammit!
Anyway, if you link to this site, please change the name. We are going to take over the world!
Until next time: See you at the bar.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Leonidas, show em your O face

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Uncle Frank - coming sometime in 2007, 2008, or 2009

I recently discovered a medium called the internet. You can actually get on a computer, and look at different pages of incredible information and pornography. I have decided to use this medium to broadcast my second greatest creation - Uncle Frank. I am keeping the rest under wraps, which is kind of pointless since 2 of the 3 people that read this blog heard basically the first 10 episodes in my car the other night, but there needs to be some suspense. Anywho, love, peace, and chicken grease.

Monday, April 2, 2007

I Have A Blank Look On My Face

So, um, there is a trailer online, at, for a new movie entitled "Gros..." um, "War, Inc.". Here is the link. (I am fully aware that the previous two statements rhyme. Stupid brain.)
I did not even know that this was in production, but I also do not check imdb as much as I used to.
Use the section below to voice the fact that your minds have been blown.

UPDATE: Well, I think that this is as close to a verification as I need. Sounds pretty convincing to me.
I guess if "Grosse Pointe Blank" could be the alternate reality sequel to "Say Anything...", then "War, Inc." could be the unofficial sequel to "Grosse Pointe Blank."

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Wells, Dear Sirs And Madams, We Have A New Catchphrase.

ADVISORY: In this post, there are some words and concepts that you may find objectionable. Don't read this if you have a problem with blow jobs, killing mothers, cannibalism, kiddie porn, punching the wonderful mounds of glory that are women's breasts, or Kurt Russell laughing at any of the aforementioned activities. You have been warned, bitches.

Well, there is an early "Grindhouse" review over at Ain't It Cool News. Here is the link. In said review there is a line about Kurt Russell laughing at a certain point in Eli Roth's "Thanksgiving" trailer, and a catchphrase begins.
The following are a few of my favorite examples (I have not changed any typing errors):

I killed your mom...and fed her to my dog..but Kurt Russell so was laughing so I guess it was okay.

I pooped a hammer...then spread mayo all over it, and ate it...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing, so I guess it was okay.

The US invaded Iraq...but Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

I made some kiddy porn and sold it for millions...Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard so I guess....

My 3-year-old was raped by his daycare provider...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

This one time at mother pleasured herself with a clarenet in front of all the tutors. i looked over and kurt russell was laughing. even though it must've been ok, i still ran over and punched my ma in her tits. i looked over and kurt russell wasn't laughing. i knew i did bad...

we should...make a computer simulation of kurt russell while he still lives, then use it in every court of law, and see if he laughs or not at the charges. i wonder how he would've handled OJ? he did laugh at the decap blowjob...

Revelation ILOAKRAHWLPHSIGIWOK...And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses [were] as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone. By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths. But then I lookith at Kurt Russell, and he doth laugh pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

That is all, for now.
As usual: Cheers and see you at the bar.

P.S. Make sure to check out my Myspace blog. You can either go to my Myspace profile , or you can just click here. It is different than the blog here. It has a bit more of a personal touch. A little like "This American Life", but with more swearing and explicit content, but when is that ever a bad thing? Never, I say.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I can't decide if this is awesome or sad

So I intend to fork over my $16.50 to find out.

Ton-Loc at... The Sports Page in Tea???

My Little Babies Are All Grows Up.

Well, my dear readers, some things are gonna change. I have decided to change some things on this site and also on my other three sites. This will make everything look more professional and make Cory a happy boy.
So, in the next few days, if you go to one of my blogs or Mspace pages-things may be in a bit of upheaval. This is normal. It is akin to voice changes or growing female-happy-parts. This is what happens when things grow up.
Until next time: Cheers!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Mac & Me

Well, I usually do not post YouTube videos to this blog, but this just makes me laugh. I still do not know why. Just enjoy the happiness. That is all.

Friday, March 23, 2007

To Catch A Mixmaster

Do you watch "Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator"?

From here on out, I shall answer only to "DJ Slideways".

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

You Need To Know How To Use A Hammer

"Abraham Lincoln was bipolar and what did he do: He freed the slaves."
-Sgt. Kabuki Man N.Y.P.D.
Hey there, dear readers. Things have been a little hectic, in the last few days. Whatever.
Anyway, Twitch Guru has a pretty good interview with George A Romero. You can read it here. It contains some good quotes about video games, the directing career of a certain red-headed sitcom star and the quality of some new horror. Good stuff.
I may be back today with a DVD review. Maybe not. Who knows?
I will leave you with a little quote from The Real World: Denver. This is from the one they call Brooke. She is the show's requisite Crazy McCrazyPants.
"I'm sick of laying out and I'm sick of grocery shopping. So, why not watch two gay men messing around?"
(Cory shakes his head and pushes "Publish".)

Side notes:
MTV OnDemand is a very bad thing.
Switchblade Sisters is a very good thing.
Citizen Toxie is also a very good thing.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Where The Magic Happens...Or Something.

Hey there. I just wanted to let everyone know that your Apathy Man and cartoon needs will be taken care of over at the 12 Inches Productions blog. There I will debut all of the things that I, and the other 12 Inches people, create. Go over there and taste the magic.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Death Of Humanity.

So, I have now posted links to my two Myspace profiles. They are over in the the sidebar. Go over there. I will wait.
As you have now seen, one is for this me and the other is for my production company, 12 Inches Productions. Add me as a friend, and feel the magic.

P.S. I feel like shit. That is the real truth, Ruth. This cold has decided to come back and without mercy. I would kill it with my sword, but that would kill me and that would not be good. Not good at all. Whatever. Cheers!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I Am Ready To Move On This!

Well, if all goes well, I should have a respectable version of Apathy Man Episode One(In Progress) available on YouTube. I think I have figured out why my movies were not converting to the .mov format, and I hope that it is solved. So, in a few hours, you should be able to view what I have and post it to your MySpace site.
By the way, I have set up a MySpace page. I will link to it when I think that it is done.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

No Use For A Topic Or Something.

I really have nothing to say. So, I will post the lyrics to Faith No More's "Epic". Maybe I am making some sort of statement. You decide.

Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can't have it
It's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Who knew?

As it turns out, the LOTR movies WERE based on a series of novels, thus destroying any chance I had at making my millions. So with this sad news, I am afraid that I need a new career. I hate doing this because it's a little cheese-dickish, but I am going to do a poll to see which career the 2 and a half people that read this blog think I should undertake. The choices are:

1) Work on a Macadamia nut plantation in Hawaii

2) Become an internet porn tycoon

3) Buy a bicycle and ride around Sioux Falls picking up cans for cash

Now remember, I have a baby formula and cigarettes to buy, so the fate of my family is in your hands, as I am a lemming and just sick of thinking for myself. Happy polling! (is polling even a word?)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sweet baby James!

I just rocked the fuck out of Bejeweled 2 on for like 330000 points, which has to be an all time record or some shit. Just call me 'Sexy Pud, the Bejeweled wizard'. By the way, you may not hear from me for a while, as I will be working on adapting the 'Lord of the Rings' movies into a series of novels. Wish me luck!

I Am Cuckoo Bananas!

So, here is the third post for Monday. I am such a silly bitch.
I am contemplating starting a MySpace profile, because all of the cool kids seem to be doing it. Although, I have yet to find a good picture of myself. Maybe I will just use the Hunter picture. Who knows?
Maybe I will just start one for "12 Inches Productions", or both. Once again-who knows?
Anyway, I have to go to work. I will think about it there.
Until next time: Cheers!

A Quote To Live By...

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
Sorry about the double posting today, but I have been reading "Mother Night" again and it reminded me of this quote. These are words to live by, people. "Believe IT!!!"-Naruto

P.S. The other quote is not one to live by.

From The "What The Hell..." Files

So, um, Richard Jeni died. Supposedly he killed himself. Dunno. Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Andy quoted this guy last weekend.
I am rambling a bit. Sorry 'bout that.
Never really got his due. I mean, he was not one of the greats, but he was still very funny. WTF!!??

Sunday, March 11, 2007

"Welcome To Good Burger, Home Of The Good Burger. Can I Take Your Order?"

Okay, I have a plan to start updating this site on a more regular basis. Maybe a post a day. Who knows? At least a post every other day.
Well, I have to go to work. I should have another message after work. Around 2am CST. Once again-who knows?
Type at 'ya later.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

I'm Mike D And I'm Back From The Dead.

WARNING: You may not want to read this post, because of explicit things and stuff.
Well, that was not as long as I expected. I am now up, fully operational and ready to serve you. 'Cause that is just the type of cat that I am. I have flash installed again; so, that is a good thing. Hmmm? What else?
Oh, if I have to see that damn animal cruelty ad with Sarah McLachlan one more time, I am going to seriously harm somebody. It seems to play every other commercial break on Headline News. It shows all of the animals that have been burned, beaten, eyes poked out, etc. I just do not get it, man. It makes me want to summon the powers of Greyskull, Jack Bauer and the American Ninja. Go all covert with some slice and dice action. No, that is too nice. I would just anally rape them with a rubber fist encrusted in salt. Then invite an audience just to humiliate them. I could do some magic tricks and sing songs. "Hello my baby. Hello my honey. Hello my ragtime gal." "You're nobody 'till some body loves you. You're nobody 'till somebody cares." It could be a regular old variety act. Oh, there should also be puppets. How could I forget about the puppets?
How would the show end, you may be asking yourself? Well, Paco, just as the numbness sets in, I would proclaim "The Aristocrats!", pull out the fist and get off stage. It could run for years and years. Just like "Cats".
What would you call a show like that? "Professor Booty", of course.
Until next time: See you at the bar.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The Robot Has Lost Its Voice

Okay, so it may be a couple of days until the next post. I have had some technical difficulties with my computer and need to reinstall some programs. Plus, I need to reconfigure my browser and I have to work tonight.
All is well, but Windows sucks. I also run Linux, but I cannot find a suitable Flash program. So, that means that I have to use Windows for some things.
Hell, I may be up and running tomorrow. Who knows?
Until then...Cheers!

Monday, February 26, 2007

hooray for boobies


Sunday, February 25, 2007

fear and loathing

So in three weeks I shall be travelling to Las Vegas. As my attorney, do you advise me to rent a very fast car with no top? Shall I attempt to rack up a room service bill averaging $35-$40 an hour for 48 consecutive hours? Should I attempt to rob the Bellagio, thus earning the wrath of Andy Garcia for all eternity?

Or maybe I should just gamble and drink and grope showgirls until my girlfriend beats me and the cops rape me with knightsticks and mace. Mace! You want this? GO CLEAN YOUR SHORTS LIKE A BIG BOY! *blasts megaphone*

Oh god, the men in the white coats are coming for me.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I'm in!

Undercover brother

Friday, February 23, 2007

Put Your Lips To My Ear And Blow My Mind

Right now, I am past the point of forming coherent thoughts. Why do I feel the need to share this useless bit of information? Why am I even taking the time to type this? D'know. Smells like cheese.
I need to get a tape recorder. I will...nevermind.
I need to rest. This four-hours-in-three-days B.S. is getting old.
How do you know that I love you? Hmmmm? I have a heart on. Why is that making me laugh? I am such a tool.
I should write a poem about Chewy Sprees. It could be all serious and "artistic". That would be sweet.
Sleepy time. Need to eat the souls of those who cross my path at my place of employment. I can only do that in my dreams.

Back in black, I hit the sack,
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back
Yes I'm let loose from the noose,
That's kept me hangin' about
I been livin like a star 'cause it's gettin' me high,
Forget the hearse, 'cause I never die
I got nine lives, cat's eyes
abusing every one of them and running wild

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Little Icons On The Hillside. Little Icons Made Of Ticky-Tacky

Well, it is on like Shelly Long. That is, I have decided to include an all-encompassing feed on this site. It is in the upper right hand corner of the side bar. One stop shopping, I tells ya. Ain't these World Wide Webby things a-ma-za-zing?
By the way, this feed is made possible because of FeedBurner. Another wonderful Batman tool, and a good personal friend of mine. We hung out with Mary Louise Parker on the set of Angels in America. That FeedBurner is one sexy monkey. Life is sweet.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Rack On Tour

I just wanted to let everyone that reads this site to know that the podcast is going to happen. I now have a server to host the shows and a flash player that I can embed on the site. All that I need now is to get together with Andy and work out the topics and record this shite. I am ready to move on this. Are you?
Tell your friends, 'cause the chickens is commin' home to roost, y'all.

P.S. I also plan to have the first episode of Apathy Man done in another week or so. After some additional animation is done, I just need to confer with Steve about the final edit and I will have it posted to this site.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Today Is Special Day For All Of Mankind

Today is a special holiday, my friends. A little holiday that I want to introduce into the zeitgeist. It is National Write A Letter To David Lynch Day. Write him about your love of his films, your first sexual experience, a big python you once wrestled, the meaning of life, how "Lost Highway" still confuses you to the point of mental breakdown, et cetera. Now keep in mind: You do not need to send the letters to him. That is not the purpose of this holiday. In fact, I do not think that he would read the letters anyway.
How do I go about this? How do I paricipate in this wonderful holiday? I am glad that you asked. Just write the letters in the comments section of this post or post them to your own blog. Also, make sure to tell some friends. That is all that you have to do.
I want this to be a global movement, dear readers. I am counting on all of you. Mr. Lynch is counting on you.
Let the nicotine stained fingers of love begin in 3,2...

Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Most Fantabulous Thing In The World

A couple of months ago I bought a RCA dvd player for about fifty smackers at the old Mart of Wal. I bought it so that I would have a progressive scan player for my HDTV. Little did I know that I was getting a gift from the geek boy gods.
I have found a way to unlock the regions for this player. I now have a region free dvd player with PAL to NTSC conversion. It is a wonderful thing.
I can now play dvds from around the globe. I am the king of happiness pants.
That is all.

Thursday, February 8, 2007


Do you notice something different about this site? Hmm?
The original Tuesdays With Cory is no more. I accidentally deleted it.
Short-story-short: I went to delete another blog that I had started recently and ended up deleting this one.
I feel like an absolute goober; So, feel free to post your hatred towards me in the comments section.
Mocking begins in 3, 2...