Saturday, March 31, 2007

Wells, Dear Sirs And Madams, We Have A New Catchphrase.

ADVISORY: In this post, there are some words and concepts that you may find objectionable. Don't read this if you have a problem with blow jobs, killing mothers, cannibalism, kiddie porn, punching the wonderful mounds of glory that are women's breasts, or Kurt Russell laughing at any of the aforementioned activities. You have been warned, bitches.

Well, there is an early "Grindhouse" review over at Ain't It Cool News. Here is the link. In said review there is a line about Kurt Russell laughing at a certain point in Eli Roth's "Thanksgiving" trailer, and a catchphrase begins.
The following are a few of my favorite examples (I have not changed any typing errors):

I killed your mom...and fed her to my dog..but Kurt Russell so was laughing so I guess it was okay.

I pooped a hammer...then spread mayo all over it, and ate it...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing, so I guess it was okay.

The US invaded Iraq...but Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

I made some kiddy porn and sold it for millions...Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard so I guess....

My 3-year-old was raped by his daycare provider...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

This one time at mother pleasured herself with a clarenet in front of all the tutors. i looked over and kurt russell was laughing. even though it must've been ok, i still ran over and punched my ma in her tits. i looked over and kurt russell wasn't laughing. i knew i did bad...

we should...make a computer simulation of kurt russell while he still lives, then use it in every court of law, and see if he laughs or not at the charges. i wonder how he would've handled OJ? he did laugh at the decap blowjob...

Revelation ILOAKRAHWLPHSIGIWOK...And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses [were] as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone. By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths. But then I lookith at Kurt Russell, and he doth laugh pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

That is all, for now.
As usual: Cheers and see you at the bar.

P.S. Make sure to check out my Myspace blog. You can either go to my Myspace profile , or you can just click here. It is different than the blog here. It has a bit more of a personal touch. A little like "This American Life", but with more swearing and explicit content, but when is that ever a bad thing? Never, I say.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I can't decide if this is awesome or sad

So I intend to fork over my $16.50 to find out.

Ton-Loc at... The Sports Page in Tea???

My Little Babies Are All Grows Up.

Well, my dear readers, some things are gonna change. I have decided to change some things on this site and also on my other three sites. This will make everything look more professional and make Cory a happy boy.
So, in the next few days, if you go to one of my blogs or Mspace pages-things may be in a bit of upheaval. This is normal. It is akin to voice changes or growing female-happy-parts. This is what happens when things grow up.
Until next time: Cheers!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Mac & Me

Well, I usually do not post YouTube videos to this blog, but this just makes me laugh. I still do not know why. Just enjoy the happiness. That is all.

Friday, March 23, 2007

To Catch A Mixmaster

Do you watch "Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator"?

From here on out, I shall answer only to "DJ Slideways".

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

You Need To Know How To Use A Hammer

"Abraham Lincoln was bipolar and what did he do: He freed the slaves."
-Sgt. Kabuki Man N.Y.P.D.
Hey there, dear readers. Things have been a little hectic, in the last few days. Whatever.
Anyway, Twitch Guru has a pretty good interview with George A Romero. You can read it here. It contains some good quotes about video games, the directing career of a certain red-headed sitcom star and the quality of some new horror. Good stuff.
I may be back today with a DVD review. Maybe not. Who knows?
I will leave you with a little quote from The Real World: Denver. This is from the one they call Brooke. She is the show's requisite Crazy McCrazyPants.
"I'm sick of laying out and I'm sick of grocery shopping. So, why not watch two gay men messing around?"
(Cory shakes his head and pushes "Publish".)

Side notes:
MTV OnDemand is a very bad thing.
Switchblade Sisters is a very good thing.
Citizen Toxie is also a very good thing.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Where The Magic Happens...Or Something.

Hey there. I just wanted to let everyone know that your Apathy Man and cartoon needs will be taken care of over at the 12 Inches Productions blog. There I will debut all of the things that I, and the other 12 Inches people, create. Go over there and taste the magic.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Death Of Humanity.

So, I have now posted links to my two Myspace profiles. They are over in the the sidebar. Go over there. I will wait.
As you have now seen, one is for this me and the other is for my production company, 12 Inches Productions. Add me as a friend, and feel the magic.

P.S. I feel like shit. That is the real truth, Ruth. This cold has decided to come back and without mercy. I would kill it with my sword, but that would kill me and that would not be good. Not good at all. Whatever. Cheers!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I Am Ready To Move On This!

Well, if all goes well, I should have a respectable version of Apathy Man Episode One(In Progress) available on YouTube. I think I have figured out why my movies were not converting to the .mov format, and I hope that it is solved. So, in a few hours, you should be able to view what I have and post it to your MySpace site.
By the way, I have set up a MySpace page. I will link to it when I think that it is done.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

No Use For A Topic Or Something.

I really have nothing to say. So, I will post the lyrics to Faith No More's "Epic". Maybe I am making some sort of statement. You decide.

Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can't have it
It's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Who knew?

As it turns out, the LOTR movies WERE based on a series of novels, thus destroying any chance I had at making my millions. So with this sad news, I am afraid that I need a new career. I hate doing this because it's a little cheese-dickish, but I am going to do a poll to see which career the 2 and a half people that read this blog think I should undertake. The choices are:

1) Work on a Macadamia nut plantation in Hawaii

2) Become an internet porn tycoon

3) Buy a bicycle and ride around Sioux Falls picking up cans for cash

Now remember, I have a baby formula and cigarettes to buy, so the fate of my family is in your hands, as I am a lemming and just sick of thinking for myself. Happy polling! (is polling even a word?)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sweet baby James!

I just rocked the fuck out of Bejeweled 2 on for like 330000 points, which has to be an all time record or some shit. Just call me 'Sexy Pud, the Bejeweled wizard'. By the way, you may not hear from me for a while, as I will be working on adapting the 'Lord of the Rings' movies into a series of novels. Wish me luck!

I Am Cuckoo Bananas!

So, here is the third post for Monday. I am such a silly bitch.
I am contemplating starting a MySpace profile, because all of the cool kids seem to be doing it. Although, I have yet to find a good picture of myself. Maybe I will just use the Hunter picture. Who knows?
Maybe I will just start one for "12 Inches Productions", or both. Once again-who knows?
Anyway, I have to go to work. I will think about it there.
Until next time: Cheers!

A Quote To Live By...

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be."
Sorry about the double posting today, but I have been reading "Mother Night" again and it reminded me of this quote. These are words to live by, people. "Believe IT!!!"-Naruto

P.S. The other quote is not one to live by.

From The "What The Hell..." Files

So, um, Richard Jeni died. Supposedly he killed himself. Dunno. Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Andy quoted this guy last weekend.
I am rambling a bit. Sorry 'bout that.
Never really got his due. I mean, he was not one of the greats, but he was still very funny. WTF!!??

Sunday, March 11, 2007

"Welcome To Good Burger, Home Of The Good Burger. Can I Take Your Order?"

Okay, I have a plan to start updating this site on a more regular basis. Maybe a post a day. Who knows? At least a post every other day.
Well, I have to go to work. I should have another message after work. Around 2am CST. Once again-who knows?
Type at 'ya later.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

I'm Mike D And I'm Back From The Dead.

WARNING: You may not want to read this post, because of explicit things and stuff.
Well, that was not as long as I expected. I am now up, fully operational and ready to serve you. 'Cause that is just the type of cat that I am. I have flash installed again; so, that is a good thing. Hmmm? What else?
Oh, if I have to see that damn animal cruelty ad with Sarah McLachlan one more time, I am going to seriously harm somebody. It seems to play every other commercial break on Headline News. It shows all of the animals that have been burned, beaten, eyes poked out, etc. I just do not get it, man. It makes me want to summon the powers of Greyskull, Jack Bauer and the American Ninja. Go all covert with some slice and dice action. No, that is too nice. I would just anally rape them with a rubber fist encrusted in salt. Then invite an audience just to humiliate them. I could do some magic tricks and sing songs. "Hello my baby. Hello my honey. Hello my ragtime gal." "You're nobody 'till some body loves you. You're nobody 'till somebody cares." It could be a regular old variety act. Oh, there should also be puppets. How could I forget about the puppets?
How would the show end, you may be asking yourself? Well, Paco, just as the numbness sets in, I would proclaim "The Aristocrats!", pull out the fist and get off stage. It could run for years and years. Just like "Cats".
What would you call a show like that? "Professor Booty", of course.
Until next time: See you at the bar.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The Robot Has Lost Its Voice

Okay, so it may be a couple of days until the next post. I have had some technical difficulties with my computer and need to reinstall some programs. Plus, I need to reconfigure my browser and I have to work tonight.
All is well, but Windows sucks. I also run Linux, but I cannot find a suitable Flash program. So, that means that I have to use Windows for some things.
Hell, I may be up and running tomorrow. Who knows?
Until then...Cheers!