Always Look Your Best. That's My Motto.

Well, folks, Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Mary Jo Pehl and Frank Conniff from MST3K are back. The new project is called Cinematic Titanic. Below is the trailer for the first offering: The Oozing Skull.

That means that with this, The Film Crew and Rifftrax - you can get all of the MST3K happiness that you want. It sure is a good time to be a fan, man.

"Cat Stevens, NO!!!",

The Nels

I Can See Clearly Now...Or Something

Well, my dear friends, I am back.
After much soul searching and climbing of mountains, I have come to realize that I need Crack On Tour. You need Crack On Tour. We all need Crack On Tour. It is real. It is life. It is America.
Stay tuned for more posts.

Smoking Is A Classy Way Of Committing Suicide.

“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae." - Kurt Vonnegut

So, um, Kurt Vonnegut died. If I were feeling a bit better - I would write more. What a damn shame.
So it goes. So it goes.

I Have A Blank Look On My Face

So, um, there is a trailer online, at FirstShowing.net, for a new movie entitled "Gros..." um, "War, Inc.". Here is the link. (I am fully aware that the previous two statements rhyme. Stupid brain.)
I did not even know that this was in production, but I also do not check imdb as much as I used to.
Use the section below to voice the fact that your minds have been blown.

UPDATE: Well, I think that this is as close to a verification as I need. Sounds pretty convincing to me.
I guess if "Grosse Pointe Blank" could be the alternate reality sequel to "Say Anything...", then "War, Inc." could be the unofficial sequel to "Grosse Pointe Blank."

Wells, Dear Sirs And Madams, We Have A New Catchphrase.

ADVISORY: In this post, there are some words and concepts that you may find objectionable. Don't read this if you have a problem with blow jobs, killing mothers, cannibalism, kiddie porn, punching the wonderful mounds of glory that are women's breasts, or Kurt Russell laughing at any of the aforementioned activities. You have been warned, bitches.


Well, there is an early "Grindhouse" review over at Ain't It Cool News. Here is the link. In said review there is a line about Kurt Russell laughing at a certain point in Eli Roth's "Thanksgiving" trailer, and a catchphrase begins.
The following are a few of my favorite examples (I have not changed any typing errors):

I killed your mom...and fed her to my dog..but Kurt Russell so was laughing so I guess it was okay.

I pooped a hammer...then spread mayo all over it, and ate it...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing, so I guess it was okay.

The US invaded Iraq...but Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

I made some kiddy porn and sold it for millions...Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard so I guess....

My 3-year-old was raped by his daycare provider...but I looked over and Kurt Russell was laughing pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.

This one time at bandcamp...my mother pleasured herself with a clarenet in front of all the tutors. i looked over and kurt russell was laughing. even though it must've been ok, i still ran over and punched my ma in her tits. i looked over and kurt russell wasn't laughing. i knew i did bad...

we should...make a computer simulation of kurt russell while he still lives, then use it in every court of law, and see if he laughs or not at the charges. i wonder how he would've handled OJ? he did laugh at the decap blowjob...

Revelation ILOAKRAHWLPHSIGIWOK...And thus I saw the horses in the vision, and them that sat on them, having breastplates of fire, and of jacinth, and brimstone: and the heads of the horses [were] as the heads of lions; and out of their mouths issued fire and smoke and brimstone. By these three was the third part of men killed, by the fire, and by the smoke, and by the brimstone, which issued out of their mouths. But then I lookith at Kurt Russell, and he doth laugh pretty hard, so I guess it was okay.


That is all, for now.
As usual: Cheers and see you at the bar.


P.S. Make sure to check out my Myspace blog. You can either go to my Myspace profile , or you can just click here. It is different than the blog here. It has a bit more of a personal touch. A little like "This American Life", but with more swearing and explicit content, but when is that ever a bad thing? Never, I say.

Mac & Me

Well, I usually do not post YouTube videos to this blog, but this just makes me laugh. I still do not know why. Just enjoy the happiness. That is all.

You Need To Know How To Use A Hammer

"Abraham Lincoln was bipolar and what did he do: He freed the slaves."
-Sgt. Kabuki Man N.Y.P.D.
Hey there, dear readers. Things have been a little hectic, in the last few days. Whatever.
Anyway, Twitch Guru has a pretty good interview with George A Romero. You can read it here. It contains some good quotes about video games, the directing career of a certain red-headed sitcom star and the quality of some new horror. Good stuff.
I may be back today with a DVD review. Maybe not. Who knows?
I will leave you with a little quote from The Real World: Denver. This is from the one they call Brooke. She is the show's requisite Crazy McCrazyPants.
"I'm sick of laying out and I'm sick of grocery shopping. So, why not watch two gay men messing around?"
(Cory shakes his head and pushes "Publish".)

Side notes:
MTV OnDemand is a very bad thing.
Switchblade Sisters is a very good thing.
Citizen Toxie is also a very good thing.

The Death Of Humanity.

So, I have now posted links to my two Myspace profiles. They are over in the the sidebar. Go over there. I will wait.
As you have now seen, one is for this me and the other is for my production company, 12 Inches Productions. Add me as a friend, and feel the magic.

P.S. I feel like shit. That is the real truth, Ruth. This cold has decided to come back and without mercy. I would kill it with my sword, but that would kill me and that would not be good. Not good at all. Whatever. Cheers!

I Am Ready To Move On This!

Well, if all goes well, I should have a respectable version of Apathy Man Episode One(In Progress) available on YouTube. I think I have figured out why my movies were not converting to the .mov format, and I hope that it is solved. So, in a few hours, you should be able to view what I have and post it to your MySpace site.
By the way, I have set up a MySpace page. I will link to it when I think that it is done.
Cheers.

No Use For A Topic Or Something.

I really have nothing to say. So, I will post the lyrics to Faith No More's "Epic". Maybe I am making some sort of statement. You decide.

Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
If you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
You will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
And it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
It's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
It's so groovy, it's outta sight
You can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
But it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet
You want it all but you can't have it
It's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
So you lay down on it and you do it some more
You've got to share it, so you dare it
Then you bare it and you tear it
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin
It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win
It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain
It's sad it happened and it's a shame
You want it all but you can't have it
It's in your face but you can't grab it
What is it?
It's it
What is it?...

From The "What The Hell..." Files

So, um, Richard Jeni died. Supposedly he killed himself. Dunno. Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Andy quoted this guy last weekend.
I am rambling a bit. Sorry 'bout that.
Never really got his due. I mean, he was not one of the greats, but he was still very funny. WTF!!??